For What It's Worth

For What It's Worth

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Epic Reads – Book Nerd Problems…Lending Books to Friends.

I cracked up laughing when I saw this YouTube video by Epic Reads about lending books to friends:



My book lending horror stories mostly consist of never getting my book back. After that happened a few times, I stopped lending out anything that I would be devastated about losing. It’s not even just a matter of trusting my friends – it’s also the post office. I sent a box of awesome books to my mother-in-law and just got the top of the box back saying sorry. *sobs*

I tend to stick to loaning books within the book blogging/reading community (I do background checks for new people – have they borrowed from someone else? Did it come back in a timely fashion? In good condition?) and it’s worked out well. I trust them more. They feel the same possessive drive to protect a book at all costs.

Slightly off topic from lending – more like parting with the precious. We’re lucky as bloggers. We get some really cool stuff! ARC’s, swag, and we know we don’t have room for it all but sometimes it’s hard to let it go.

I sent my friend Ana Lucia (waves hi!) a big box of books that I was excited for her to read but for some reason I kept waffling when it came to These Broken Stars by Aimee Kaufman and Meagan Spooner. Now I love Ana and I REALLY wanted her to have this book but it took me almost a week to leave the book in there and tape up the damn box. I would put it in….take it out…start to tape the box…un-tape it…I have no idea why. I could easily buy another copy. I don’t even plan on reading it again but I wanted THAT book. Book lovers are weird!

How about you? Have you had any book lending horror stories?? Would you end a friendship over a mistreated/lost book?

* You can view more Epic Reads Book Nerd Problems videos here

27 comments:

  1. +JMJ+

    My worst book lending experience involved the boyfriend of my sister's best friend. He was studying French and wanted to do some extra reading, so my sister persuaded me to lend him some easy readers I owned. As I handed them to him, I all but threatened him with dismemberment if he didn't take care of them, and he seemed to take me seriously. Then . . . no word from him for about six months!

    When I finally ran into him by chance, I asked him if he was done with them and he said, "I know, I know . . . I promise to look for them now."

    WTH??? He didn't even know where they were??? How does that happen?!?!?!

    For me, it's as if he misplaced a puppy. Not even his own puppy, but someone else's. It doesn't help that the books I lent him were really expensive in the first place and have since gone out of print. Even if I could afford to replace them, I couldn't. And my mean streak is really glad that my sister's friend broke his heart. >=/

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    1. That's horrible!! Did you ever get them back?

      It's bad enough to not get your books back but when they're expensive, irreplaceable books….ugh!

      That's why I don't loan out anything like that anymore. If it's important to me I keep it. There are a few of my most trusted blogger friends that I would still lend to but I know they would move heaven and earth to replace it if something happened.

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    2. +JMJ+

      No, I never got them back. =( And so these days, I'm super careful about whom I lend books to. There are exactly two human beings in the world who have a chance at taking something out of my library--and that's because I've known them for years and have seen the way they treat their own books.

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  2. I am pretty there is some book still out there in the wild, forgotten about...thanks friends

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  3. I never borrow other peoples books, nor let them lend mine. Because I know that if I borrow one, I will totally forget about it and will only return it after two years onread. People that want to read mine usually don't give them back in the condition they received it in, since I never crack the spine and my books still look pristine after multiple reads. The solution is that I just buy books for people if I really want them to read it (:

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    1. I do that now too. If it's something that would ruin a friendship if it's lost/damaged then I would rather just get them their own copy.

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  4. yes and I they never returned my books! So moving forward, I'd rather trade books than lend/borrow, peace of mind for both parties

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    1. I tried to host tours for my ARC's and someone always "lost" the books. It was so infuriating that I just gave up.

      I'm so careful with other people's books so it bugs me - especially when it's other bloggers - when they don't show the same respect.

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  5. I don't lend out books I want to keep. Now, I do give away the ones that I've had to cull but I can't bear to get books back with broken spines or dog ears. This is a tad easier because most of the people near me don't read a whole lot anyway...and, if they do, it's a Jodi Picoult, which I don't read at all. And I definitely don't trust the post office. I think they care even less when it's "media mail".

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    1. I don't loan out anything that will end a friendship if it's ruined. lol

      Not just because of them - but also the post office.

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  6. I was just thinking about this topic! I just finished a book that I know my MIL would love, but I'm not saying a word. She asked to borrow a book in November, and I begrudgingly let her (even though I've always had to tell her to send my books back), even though I did not want to! Anyway, I asked her a month ago if she'd read it, thinking she'd take a hint. Her reply? "Yes" That's it! No, "sorry I've had it so long", or "I'll send it back". SO. I'm going to her house in July, and I'm going to find that book and take it back!
    Wish me luck...

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    1. My neighbor borrowed several dog training books (that need to be ordered and are expensive). I was in no rush to get them back and she literally lives 3 houses away so months passed and I didn't care.

      Then I needed the book and asked her for it. She said - I don't have that book. I mentioned the next book….nope - I don't have that book either. I KNOW she has these books!

      I petsit her cat several times a month and it takes every ounce of restraint I have not to go through her stuff and try to find my books. lol It's not even etiquette that stops me. I'm afraid she may have a hidden camera and catch me. Ha!

      I don't lend anything out anymore (except to a few trusted friends) that I need back so I never worry about it.

      Good luck getting your book back!

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  7. Any time I lend ANYTHING I hope for the best and expect the worst. :) My horror stories is when my mother lends my books out to people... especially family. :) I don't mind her enjoying a book and then lending it out if she lets me know who first. Then I can either recommend the book to them or decide if I can live with losing the book. She lent out a book that you cannot get anymore. I don't let her forget it. LOL

    Btw, go though her books. If you get caught on camera, just say you wanted to spend some time with the cat and forgot to bring a book. ;)

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    1. I casually glanced at all her shelves in her house once under the premise of looking for the cat in case I got caught but I couldn't find anything. I didn't snoop behind the closed doors though.

      Anything I lend out these days - except for a few very close blogger friends - is a book I don't really care to keep anymore. So if it never comes back, I'm not worried about it.

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  8. Nice topic!! There are definitely certain books I think I'd be really nervous to let other people borrow. You just never know what might happen, from it getting dirty or lost. Sometimes your friends are trustworthy, but still, accidents happen! I like giving people books though...:) I don't really have a book-trading horror story. Just not getting things back honestly, which is a bummer, but not HORRIBLE!!!

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    1. Yes, accidents do happen that are sometimes beyond the borrowers control so I don't lend out something that I would cry if it were lost/damaged. Saves on the heart ache later on.

      I don't have any blogger horror stories. My friends are excellent when it comes to that.

      I tried ARC tours before and people lost the books etc so I quit doing that.

      It's mainly non blogger friends that have no respect and don't get to borrow anymore. lol

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  9. I am very hesitant to lend out books just because I've had a terrible experience when I lent my 1984 copy to a friend. She gave it back 6 months later with the front cover completely ripped apart. The spines are broken and there were missing pages. Biggest problem there was she didn't even blink an eye when she returned it to me.
    I do like sharing books though so I still do lend out books, but I am very iffy about who I trust and I totally judge people now based on how they take care of the book.

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    1. OMG!!! That's awful!!! Are you still friends?? lol

      I don't get people who borrow things and then totally forget about it and don't take care of those items. How would you feel if I did that to your stuff?? Grrrr

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  10. Lending stuff in general is hard, knowing you may never see it again. But books, I haven't had to deal with that with my YA books. Only once, with academic books lol I had to chase this girl to return my very expensive books and my brother needed one of them. Worst of all, she lived like 6 houses from mine! When I finally had enough of her crap I went there (again!) and finally found her, she return them in bad condition (not terrible thank goodness) and she was pissed! After that, she wouldn't say hello to me. Pfft!

    Hahaha, *waves* I didn't know you had such a hard time leting go of TBS! But then again I didn't know what was in the box.
    I'm taking good care of my ARC *pets precious* and thank you for trusting me with it ;) You're the best -huggles smooches- Accept my love!

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    1. That's why I only loan stuff that wouldn't' ruin a friendship if it doesn't come back ok. lol

      There's a saying I heard a long time ago not to loan out money to friends or relatives if you ever want it back again and I apply that to my books.

      I have a few friends that I KNOW would die if they lost or defiled my book and would get me a new one right away so I don't worry int hat case.

      I have no idea why I was so possessive of that book. Sure I loved it but it's not even a BEST BOOK EVER kind of thing. SO weird! lol

      I accept your love - double it and throw it back to you!

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  11. Background checks...That is soooo funny. And um, actually a really good idea. I will only lend my books to a select few. But the signed, treasured ones, that I really love, like Robert McCammon, Charles de Lint Neil G. and Joe Hill...I probably wouldn't let out of my sight!

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    1. No lie - I ask around if it's someone I'm not overly familiar with - like a twitter only friend and see how they have treated books loaned to them. lol

      I have a few special marked up books with notes in the margins by the author and I would NEVER loan them out. If something is irreplaceable I wouldn't loan those out either. Even the PO could lose it so it's not just a matter of trusting friends.

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  12. That video was great :D. Which reminds me I lent all three Hunger Games books to my friend MONTHS ago. *Makes note to ask about them at next dinner meet up*.

    I think my worst book lending horror stories were when (1) I lent HP5 to a math teacher and the edges of dust jacket were all bent and creased (it didn't occur to me in my youth to take off the dust jacket before lending my books out) and (2) is when the cover of Wolf Tower by Tanith Lee got bent. I even witnessed the assault. The book had slipped from my friends hand and went crashing to the floor. I GASPED and she apologized profusely unfortunately the damage was done.

    On the other side of this book lending scenario I was travelling with books a friend lent me because I was going over to her place and when I opened the suitcase to take the books out and return to her the cover of Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs was bent in half. I felt so ashamed, I bought her a new copy.

    Honestly though if a friend tried to return a book that was water damaged or torn I'd be so insulted. If I were in their shoes I would just buy a new copy and not even let the lender know what horrors happened to the original book.

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    1. I don't loan out books if I need them right away or I would cry if they were damaged.

      The people I loan to now would be more upset of they ruined a book and would buy me a new one immediately so I don't worry.

      It's more non-bloggers that don't understand and treat my books poorly so - NO BOOK FOR YOU! lol

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  13. First, I want you to know that I have another tab with your Tune In Tuesday post on it, and I'm playing Hozier in the background ;) Now that that's out of the way--LOL. That video is awesome. And I've done the These Broken Stars things SO many times. So many. We bond with our books, you know. And I've never ended a friendship over poorly treated books, but I have harbored a nasty grudge, and I no longer lone out books to those people. As for not getting them back, one of my sisters is the only person I have that problem with, but I've started keeping lists of books I've loaned her, so that took care of that problem. *fist pump* I love this post too!

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  14. I wouldn't end a friendship over a book loan. I kind of only lend books out that I don't mind if I don't get them back (or at least don't mind THAT much) so that I don't feel too bad if I don't get it back or if I don't get it back in the condition that I lent it.. etc, etc.

    I had to learn that lesson hard and fast as I had a friend in elementary school who was Romanian and I am not sure if her grandparents (who were her guardians during the day and didn't speak good English) didn't realize we were only LOANING them movies and books or if there's a different policy in Romania that whatever you give is a total gift and to expect it back is rude. Whatever the case was, we never got our stuff back that we loaned - including some of our favorite movies, and hell we weren't wealthy! So my sister and I learned that lesson the hard way, don't give away what you ever expect back or WANT back.

    I do still loan a ton of books out because I am too impatient waiting for them to go out nad buy books themselves so i'm like HERE! READ MY COPY! TAKE IT! READ IT NOW!

    I definitely feel an attachment to my books.. like even though I loan a lot out (and I usually loan them out to people i've loaned stuff to before and gotten it back) there IS a trust there for the most part and I am HOPING that I'll get the book back. I have a hard time TOTALLY giving books away like to charity or Goodwill etc etc even though I know I don't have room for them all.

    Great post and that Epic Reads video is hilarious! I need to check out more of those videos :D

    April @ My Shelf Confessions

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  15. I don't loan books I want back. My heart can't quite take it.

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